Martian Style

"You're the fornicator!"

Keith: "Not Martian style, I am more traditional than that."

I do have lots of toys at home

Lily: Yes, I do have lots of toys at home. But I didn't ask for lots of toys. I asked for those toys.


(see full post at http://scsanders.blogspot.com/2011/01/i-didnt-ask-for-lots-of-toys.html)

Christmas Lights

Scott: I don't usually like the ice-cycle style Christmas lights.

Candice: Oh really? You don't?

Lily (very matter-of-factly): Mom, those lights are actually terrible!

Our Clepto Daughter (Not really)

Lily: Mommy, I like that (points to statues of Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus). Can we get that in our yard?
Candice: You like that huh?
Lily: Yes. Can we steal that for our yard?

Don't ask me where that came from. I just hope she never does steal anything. We had a talk afterwards about stealing, especially stealing Jesus statues.

Spoiled like a Rock Star

While watching Alvin and the Chipmunks Brooklynn says, "I'm spoiled and I'm not even a rock star!"

I'm not sure that was the best thing for her to tell her mom. We may be cutting back privileges, although I'm not sure what.

Cauliflower Bird

Lily: Hey mom. When we go to the jungle can we see a cauliflower bird?

Candice: When we go to the jungle, yes.

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Spring Forward, Fall back... it's not 20:74PM

I went around the house updating all of the remaining clocks with the time change. There is this one alarm clock that I bought because it projects the time on to the ceiling that is a beast to reset, or even to turn the alarm on and off. It has been demoted to the bathroom counter. I was so proud of myself when I finally figured out how to turn the DST on and off and had it all set right. Then I decided I was doing so well I could surely fix it so the projection was on again. This is the result of that attempt. And the time doesn't change, it's just stuck on 20:74. At least it's correct once a day... whenever 20:74 PM is...is that 11:14PM? I'm not sure.


And don't worry, this is not my only alarm clock!

corset

me to myself "Never trust a girl in a corset."

What Brent does like Brooklynn?

Brent to Brooklynn: Today on my way from my car and in to work I did what you would do. Do you know what it was?

Brooklynn after thinking a moment, then with absolute certainty: You skipped?

Brent: No! I read a book while walking.


I just love the thought of Brent skipping in to work :)

What does he want?

Lily (about Zeke): He's hungry for my mom's boobs!

(I'll spare you all a photo on this posting :D)

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President Boyd K. Pirate

Lily: He says Arrrr! He must be a pirate!

http://scsanders.blogspot.com/2010/10/be-ye-warned-pirates-be-yonder-mateys.html

Seinfeld

(No image with this one for reasons you'll understand shortly.)

We turned on the TV in the middle of the Seinfeld about Elaine's a little too friendly Christmas card.

LaDawn: What was the deal with her Christmas card?

Brent: It was showing a little too much... there was nipple.

LaDawn: How would one accidentally send out that as a Christmas card picture? Who would use a photo where it was even close? That doesn't say Merry Christmas?

Brooklynn: Maybe to babies.

Kid logic

LaDawn: Your bike lock isn't working for some reason.
Brooklynn: I'm glad birds aren't as big as humans.
LaDawn: What?
Brooklynn: So if they think my bike is food they don't carry it away.

Keen observation

While walking in a park past a large pair of women . . .

Lily asks loudly: Why does she have a big bum?

Not the “Baa Baa Black Sheep” I remember!

Apparently they teach a new kind of “Baa Baa Black Sheep” to kids these days:

Lily:  . . . Yes sir. Yes sir. Three bags full. One for the B@$#@%! (rhymes with Mastards). One for the dame . . .

All I can say is that I sure didn’t teach it to her that way . . .

(The picture just made me laugh. Disturbing in so many ways!)

bad Instant Message abbreviation

LaDawn: brb, gotta go to the bathroom before the next p gets here

Brent: LOL

... "p" stands for participant, as in a participant for my usability study.

Caught a bug

Lily: (fake cough) (fake cough) Mommy, I have a fly in my tummy.

Candice: You mean a bug.

Lily: Yeah. I have a fly.

Machine Washable?

LaDawn to Brent via chat: "oh crap, I may have thrown a strawberry plant in the washing machine"

Applying Scriptures to your Life

Last night as we read scriptures as a family, Lily wanted to take a turn reading, so I whispered in her ear what to say . . .

Candice whispers: Open your mouth . . .

Lily: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

I’ll go ask mom!

 

Lily: Daddy, will you please sing the song from [Disney movie]?

Scott agrees and tries his best to sing the song (not telling you what song she asked me to sing).

Lily: That song’s too hard for you. I’m going to ask mommy to sing it!

Scott: (Sarcastically) Oh gee! Thanks!

Dancing with the Stars?

in response to learning that Kate Goslin would be on Dancing With the Stars.
Brent: 'Dancing with the Stars?' more like 'Dancing with the Media Whores'!

What every woman wants to hear

These are some of the things that friends, coworkers, or Wii fit have said to me in the last 2-3 months:

“How much DO you weigh?”

“How big is your butt anyway?”

“I noticed you look really big today.”

“I could tell you’re pregnant.  Your face and arms are puffy.”

“You’re overweight.”

“You probably find yourself tripping when you walk.”

what??

Erin: "Brent is Keith's lesbian girlfriend. "

No Vowels

I was playing with letter dice from a game and making words out of the letters I rolled. Mickayla was watching me. I rolled and then just sat there staring at the letters.
Mickayla: "Make a word."
LaDawn: "I can't there's no vowels."
Mickayla: "Then spell Jentzsch."

Brooklynn is in the holiday spirit

She made this headband and wanted to wear it to school. I insisted she look in the mirror before she decided if she wanted to wear it, she did and she still wanted to wear it to school. I wonder if her teacher let her wear it all day?

Kung Fu Tacos

So my co-worker snaps this photo coming into work this morning:



Which is funny in and of itself. Then the following conversation:

Brent
what's for lunch today?
sweet and sour burritos?

Evan
and chow mein quesadillas

I just busted up laughing.

Nipples

Erin: Did you notice that he has a weird nipple?

later . . .

Erin: Do you want a weird nipple, too?

Botox Here I Come!

Brent brushed Brooklynn's hair out of her face and said: "You're beautiful. You get that from your mother."

Brooklynn: "You mean the wrinkles?"

It’s a CD

Lily: What’s that?

Scott: It’s a CD. It plays music.

Lily: Oh!

(Lily starts to sing)

CD . . . E F G H I J K L M N O P . . .

Favorite things

Lily hugs the deodorant and exclaims, “My favorite!”