As Seen on TV and the Tivo Generation

While watching TV we saw an ad for exercise equipment. Brent and I were making fun of the countdown to get this great deal by saying, "only 5 seconds left!"
Brooklynn looked up and said, "Just pause it. Then the timer will stop."
Phew! Now we can get the Bender Ball AND VHS instruction tape for the special price of $9.99.

Nativity Story

Brent to Brooklynn following the reading of the nativity story from the Bible by Brent and the acting out of the story with the wooden nativity figures by Brooklynn and assisted by Mom... "Wow, Brooklynn, thanks. I've never seen the nativity story with a shooting star, the wisemen falling to their knees because they were knocked down by a meteor and the shepherds telling the sheep to 'wait up.'"

Taking over the world

Brooklynn to the vacuum: "Don't take control of the whole world you naughty thing!" I'm not exactly sure what she meant by this but thought it was funny.

She was vacuuming the stairs at the time. Her method was also amusing, she took the hose and jabbed it five or ten times at each stair then say "1-2-3 Stop!" and turned the vacuum off and moved it down one stair, said "1-2-3 Go!" turned on the vacuum and repeated the process. We'll see how effective that was when she's done, but I suspect I may have to redo it.

Will was playing with packing peanuts while I was taking gifts out of the boxes. I had a big box of the peanuts on the floor. He started dumping them out on top of the dog and all over the floor. Then he layed in it like he was making a snow angel. When he got up and was running through the peanuts I asked him what he was doing. He said, I am making it look like Christmas! (snow)

... Used to hate, but now I love.

While playing a game called Conga on Thanksgiving,when it was Brent's turn we had to guess what his answer was for the question: Something I used to hate but now I love. He asked the question, the timer started and Brooklynn was the first to guess. Without any hesitation she said very mater-of-factly, "Sex!?" We had to stop the timer as we all laughed hysterically. We aren't sure where she came up with this answer. LaDawn said Brooklynn doesn't even know what the word means. And unfortunately I think we've now taught her that that is a funny word. But we just couldn't help but to laugh. I'm guessing LaDawn, Brent and Brooklynn had a very interesting conversation that evening after we all left. :)

When playing Wii "Boom Blocks"

Mickayla to Candice: If you get even more mad at Scott, he can sleep in the closet . . . there's a pillow there.

This one deserves a rerun

OK, this is a post from Erin's blog from months ago prior to the creation of Risenmay One Liners. I came across it looking for a photo and it's still fall-off-the-chair funny so I thought it deserved another post.

"Tits"

Mom wanted to post this on her blog but thought it was a little inappropriate... so I told her I'd do it because no one would be surprised with it coming from me.... :)

As we all know, Will still can't say many words very clearly. For example he calls Mickayla "Peela" and often when kids are at this stage they say an innocent word that ends up not sounding so innocent.

The other day we were at Mom and Dad's and Will was playing with Fritz, who he happens to call "Tits." I was telling him that he needed to stop because the dogs were getting too rialed up. But Will replied "Mom, I want to play with Tits!" If that wasn't funny enough Blake followed with a comment of "Don't we all!" Mom was standing near by and started laughing hysterically. Then she stopped and tried to be serious as she said, "BLAKE!" but then she continued laughing.

It was a funny experience, but it was even more funny later. Yesterday I was retelling this story to Candice, Scott and Dad. I didn't think Dad would think it was that funny but boy was I wrong. He laughed so hard that his face was almost purple, which made mom laugh. It was funny, but almost uncomfortable how funny our parents thought this was. After all, we were all delivered by a stork... right! Apparently Dad thought it was so funny that even a few minutes later he randomly burst out laughing. Apparently he was still thinking about Blakes comment of "Dont we all!".... Yikes!

Car Seat Laws

So I was reading up on if Brooklynn could get her wish and not have to sit in the booster seat in the car anymore. FYI, technically she doesn't have to, but it would be dangerous for her since the shoulder belt is too high. Anyway, that's not the funny part. Here is a clip of the rules for safety seats.

Examples of children who are not specifically required to use a safety seat or booster or to ride in
the back seat:
Age 3, 65 lbs., in any vehicle
Age 2, 61 lbs., in any vehicle
Age 5, 55 lbs., in a vehicle with no shoulder belts in back
Age 6, 50 lbs., in any vehicle
Age 2, 42 lbs., in a vehicle with no shoulder belts in back

What 2 year old is 61 pounds!!! Good grief--the parents should worry more about the kid dying of a heart attack than a car accident.

Stick Figures Get Their Vote Too

(open the picture so it's bigger and you'll see the joke--hint he's Republican)

Voting Day

LaDawn: Today is election day, where we vote for who we want to be the president and other offices, and what we want to be laws.
Brooklynn: Do you vote like kids vote, where everyone puts their heads down and then raises their hand for the person they want to vote for?

A few minutes later as we pulled up to the school...
Brooklynn: I would make it the law that I didn't have to be in a booster seat any more.

Holy Crap

LOL, I wish this wasn't funny. But seriously, who would do that?!?! Gross.

Got Milk?

As we all probably know, Google has sponsored ads in Gmail that seemingly relate to text from emails. They are interesting to see and can often be rather funny. I was reading Reed's latest letter and a particular ad caught my eye, and I thought I'd share:

Sponsor a Milking Buffalo
One milking buffalo can allow a poor family a better life.

Getting dressed in the dark

Amanda, my friend at work, was kind enough to get dressed in the dark as to not wake up her sleeping boyfriend. Her simple mistake made my day. :)

Now this is creative!

Ann, Keith, Brent and I's friend Jini, who REALLY wants to be a Risenmay emailed us this. It made me laugh. (Sorry it's small, just click on it so it's readable)

My Amazing Girl

LaDawn: You can't watch TV and read a book at the same time.
Brooklynn: I'm an amazing girl.

How can you argue with that?!

Coins

We moved this weekend. After most things had been taken out of the apartment we went back to get a few more in the car. Being in the "debris stage" of moving Brooklynn was getting quite a few coins to add to her piggy bank. I saw one on the ground and quickly recognized it wasn't American, I thought at first if it was a Euro or Pound I'd brought back from my trip.

Looking at it as I handed it to her, I said, "Here's another coin but you can't spend it, it's Canadian. I wonder where that came from?"

Brooklynn responded, "From Canada."

First known picture of Michael Phelps

Trev sent this to me.

First known picture of Michael Phelps.

Kegels

Brian to Mom: Do you do your kegels?
Mom: Yes, faithfully.
Mickayla: Sometimes I have to pull her out of the squeeze part.
Erin: WHAT?! lol

Ok this one definitely takes an explanation. As if it's not funny enough that my boyfriend was asking my mom if she does her kegels, Mickaylas comment made it even more funny.

Brian and I were in the Kitchen talking to mom and I was telling her how a friend and I had a conversation about how ever since we'd had children we have to be careful laughing to hard, sneezing, coughing... and how neither of us are good at doing our kegels. I mentioned that when I went to 321bounce (it's like pump it up, with blow up bounce houses) that I thought I was going to pee my pants. Mom told me how horrible that was. Then the above comments were made.... we all laughed for a few minutes, and then once mom regained composure she told us that what Mickayla meant was that at 321bounce Mickayla pulled mom through the part of the bounce house that you have to squeeze though. :)

Beautiful Girl

Grandma Sparks to Tammy: You are a beautiful girl.

It sounded nice until that night when to she said the same thing to the 76 year old hometeacher. I don't feel as pretty after that.

How Mormon's Spell their names

This is a snipit from a chat that Blake and I had today. He was telling me about some girls that he met....

Blake: and I need to remember her name... jk i know what it is
me: what is it?
Blake: Aimee
me: spelt like that?
Blake: i dont know
me: lol
Blake: looks good to me
me: that's the weirdest spelling lol maybe it's Amy, the normal way
Blake: lol maybe
me: but if she's from Utah you're right, it's Aimee or something else thats weird
Blake: i know someone with it spelled aimee
me: what's the other girls name?
Blake: jenepher (spelled like that)
me: are you serious!
Blake: yah...
me: LOL I'm seriously laughing out loud at work
that is rediculous

Ducks on the Roof

Will: Why aren't they at the beach?

It's mine

Erin: "Will, that's Uncle Blakes, put it back."

Will: "Uncle Blake is at college.... it's mine."

Area man?

Umm does anyone know who "Area Man" is? On our list of contributors it lists Area Man....? It must be Keith, because I can't think of who else it would be.

Story from Reed

Reed sent me this story in response to my letter saying we got Brooklynn a turtle.  It's more than one line and more cute than hillarious but I thought I'd share it anyway.

the other day i saw a little girl running in the street after a rabbit, it was obviously a pet, i helped her capture the vermine. Then she let it go again, I have never seen a more obedient rabbit in my life. She chased and chased the rabbit, but couldnt catch it, so she said to the rabbit, I give up lets go inside, and the rabbit ran to the front step, waited for her to pick her up and they went into the house. I have never ever seen a rabbit do that before. The other day i saw them again, and the rabbit was playing with the girl like a dog plays with a child, it is amazing.

The "Fun Game"

These are some great one-liners from our game night at the Risenmay's home playing Loaded Questions, aka the "Fun Game":

Mickayla: Dad, which one is your good ear?

Mickayla: Somehow Blake is always talking about himself.

Erin: I would have thought of this if I had thought of it!

Candice: If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be? Mickayla: Umm, let me go look in the mirror.

Scott: Well obviously, if I were to see a leg and think that it was attractive, I wouldn't choose Blake's! (This spoken after Erin and Blake hold their bare legs up high in the air at the dinner table for viewers, mainly Scott, to judge.)

Loss of Words . . . Again!

Candice: He needs to find his words.

(Moments later . . .)

Candice: And yet he keeps talking.

(Referring to Michael Phelps always claiming to be at "a loss of words" during interviews at the Olympics.) Seriously, STOP TALKING!

Watching the Olympics

Brooklynn: I want to go to Benjamin and watch this live.
LaDawn: You mean Beijing.
Brooklynn: Yah. The first one was in Grace.

The Wonder Dog

LaDawn: "Who is Rin-Tin-Tin? I thought he was a Chinese person."

(For anyone who is still wondering about Rinny, check for more info here or here.)

Superhero

Brooklynn: "Mom, are you a secret superhero?" (said with all sincerity :))

Doctor Visit

Doctor: Do you feel like you've peed your pants, yet?
Candice: No. . . . um, yes!

(By the way. I didn't pee my pants, the IV just made it feel that way.)

Co-worker's Freudian Slip

A co-worker of mine made a terrible Freudian slip to me today while trying to say he liked my pants.

Co-worker to Scott: If you passed out, I'd definitely take your pants off and take you into the bathroom.

Translation: I like your pants. If you passed out I'd definitely take them from you and hide you in the bathroom.

Carpool

Brent: A carpool is when people put a pool in their car, and you can swim when you're driving.
Brooklynn: What was Mom's suggestion?

Allergies

LaDawn: Are you going to be a vet when you grow up?
Brooklynn: One question, am I allergic to alligators and crocodiles?

Intelligence

"What about super monkey balls?" - LaDawn to Brent moments after stating that they needed to have more intelligent conversations.

panties

"And dont change your panties!" - Brent to Brooklynn

wings

umm excuse me, can I have my wings back?

Don't freak out..

"Don't freak out, I'm going to lift up my shirt." - Brooklynn to Keith

Potty

"What's my prize for going potty?" - Blake